One that might have been..

 

Tribute to my Poopy guy

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was a sad time

that followed the death

of someone you love

and you had to push through it 

to get to the other side

But I'm learning

there is no pushing through

but rather, there is

absorption,

acceptance.

Grief is not something you

compete,

but rather you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

and move on,

but an element of yourself,

an alteration of your being,

a new way of seeing

a new definition of self.

~Gwen Flowers

The weight

 

Some mornings when you wake up, you think about all the losses.  It comes at you like a wave. The weight of it pressing on your shoulders…pushing down. Is it trying to ground you, feel closer to the earth so that you don’t fall off?

Bridge to you

 October 2021

Sound of silence...

 

I miss you in this world. My sweet Alto guy. 

Grief is the price we pay for love

I loved you Alto.  And I miss you so much.  Your soft ears, the way you dug for water in  your water bowl. How you would touch the back of my leg with your nose...just to let me know you were there.  How you would cuddle up in a little cinnamon roll curl on the couch and watch me do yoga...and sleep next to me...on at the tip of my toes.  Next to me.  Leaning up next to me as we slept.  You were my favorite little guy.  I loved you so. 

Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them. 

~Leo Tolstoy

Drinking with Intention

It's no news to me that drinking is harmful to ones health. I know plenty of people who have gone down the rabbit hole of booze. Spending time in the seedy bars, drinking at home alone...until (and before) the sun comes up...and destroying their health and families that they worked for hard to build. Lives ruined/compromised because they could not give up drinking. I too have travelled down that dark and entrancing road. But drinking and studying wine is also my passion...and for the last 25 years, it has been my job. 

It is a constant battle for me...to know when and how much I should drink.  In the last few years I have begun to notice how much it affects me. How much alcohol does to my body.  I try to counter balance it with the healthiest lifestyle I can muster. I ride road bikes, and mountain bikes...I hike with my dogs and my friends, I go on long walks...I ski all winter and I do yoga every day. I am careful now not to over drink, but sometimes even two glasses send my body into a fluster. I am more aware, but my body is also less accepting of toxins. 

So, where do we go from here?  Right now I am taking a month off drinking. Giving my body time to rest and restore before the colder weather and the holidays.  I am not planning to give alcohol up for good, but I want to drink more judiciously than I have in the past. I want to drink with intention.

I'm going to start here...and write about my favorite wines and why I find them compelling.  Why specific wines are more interesting to me than others.  What their story is.  What the grape is, where is it grown...and who makes it. I'm going to dive deeper into the wines I chose to drink...and learn from them. 

Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall....

 

Peace be with you

Blueberry Banana Buttermilk Bundt!

 

Banana Blueberry Buttermilk Bundt!!

Yummmmm

1 mashed banana

1 cup sugar

2 cups cake flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

¼ teaspoon salt

½ cup oats

½ cup almond flour

½ cup spelt flour

2 eggs

¼ cup applesauce

¼  cup canola oil

1 teaspoon vanilla

¾ cup buttermilk

1 cup Maine blueberries + 1 tablespoon flour

 

Pour into a greased Bundt pan

 

Bake at 350*

 45-50 minutes

Prayer for clarity

The non-drinking life.  Will you feel faster?  Ride you bike like the wind? Have a clearer head. Lose weight. Will your complexion get better? Dreams of better days. 

Are you ready to face your demons?

 Or were they demons after-all?  Were you just trying to live your one sweet life?  

Taking a month off of drinking.  And already on day two I am feeling clearer headed.  Stronger. Fierce. Brave. Better.  Not drinking is indeed a super power. 

Springy beasts

 

Spring Fever

 

Wild & Free

 

The Ridge

We hiked across the metal bridge linking the jagged jetting pieced of rock. Took the iron staircase to the ridge. The path across was snowpacked and icy.  By ski books had a layer of snow stuck to them.  making my footing seem tenuous, shaky at best.  If I had to do it all over again I would make sure to scrape my boots before heading across the gauntlet. My shoulders started to tighten, as well as my quads and hips.  My breaths shorter, my vision closing in. High up on the ridge, I felt super alive, but super uneasy and I hurried to get to the safer wider zone ahead.  Once across, my body calmed, a smile returned to my face, my vison broadened to the expanse all around us.  The distant mountain range, the inviting snow on the run we were about to drop into. The double black diamond extreme cornice was welcoming, not nearly as steep as a lot of runs I have skied before. My confidence returned and I dropped in making turns with energy and excitement.