Mom

 

My Mom, Mary Linda Bonjean Dowling passed away yesterday, June 7^, 2022 from Metastatic Lung Cancer. She was 81. She went by Bonnie for most of her life. It was the name given to her by the nurses in the hospital when she was born. Bonnie was a force. Strong willed and strongly opinionated…and fierce in love as well. As a child she overcame numerous surgeries to correct bad directionals in her stomach. She was a fighter. Her mother was a great beauty of Ohio and her dad was President of Land of Lincoln Bank in Springfield, Ill. She grew up playing golf and was told many times over that she was a natural golfer.  She had a beautiful swing…if you followed her ball, it would sail with an amazing and powerful trajectory. She made the front page of Maui Times with her hole in one when she was on vacation there. She was a skier and a snowboarder who loved Sugarloaf with all her heart. She loved Pinot Grigio & the Red Sox. She was 5 foot 5 inches tall…and only weighed 107lbs, but her presence was inescapable in any room.

Prideful, confident and fashionable. She met Patrick A. Dowling in high school in Springfield, Illinois.…and she followed him when he went off to study at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire.  She attended Manhattanville College in NYC, but married Patrick before graduation. They were married at the Hanover Church in New Hampshire and had four children: three boys, and then a girl. They settled in Cape Elizabeth, ME where Patrick “Pat” started his medical practice as an orthopedist in Portland. She was President of the Junior League of Portland, ME, on several ski committees and went on to be a paralegal for many years. She specialized in title work and being part of the legal community was a source of pride for her.

As a mother, she had high expectations, held high standards and would not take “no” or “I don’t want to do it” for answers. She was fiercely proud of and loved her children (Chris, John (Lara), Tony (Laurilyn), and Anne (Kenny)…and even more fiercely proud of and deeply loved her grandchildren (Wyatt, Quinn, Kaitlyn, Tegan, Alexandra, Sophia, Finn and Isabella).  She loved her Portuguese Water Dogs (Teddy, Bella, Pippa & Blarney), who were, as a general rule, fed a gourmet homecooked meal before anyone else in the house. She loved Buster the Maine Coon cat who hung out on a pillow in her bay window watching over her in her last days.  She loved her friends… Springfield childhood friends (Nancy, Mary, Polly, Carol, Penny and Judy), her sisters-in-law Mary and Martha, her Junior League friends (AL, Dee Dee, Franny and Martha), Judy Dooley, Janet Brown and Marj Katz who all regularly checked in on her.

She was an amazing cook and baker who made wonderful meals for everyone who showed up at her house. The fridge was always full of nourishing salads for any occasion…like feeding my hungry bridesmaids at 2am. There were homemade cakes for birthdays…and delicious pies. She would arrive to Freestyle Skiing events with her four kids and a Coleman cooler overflowing with a bounty of delights for everyone at the event. Kids, parents, judges all enjoyed and were fueled for greatness with her cinnamon twists, fried chicken, apricot bars, molasses cookies, chocolate chip cookies & pasta salads.  Her Christmas Cookie assortment was legendary...pfeffernusse, almond crescents, springerle, needhams, as was her impressive, colorful and joyful Gingerbread House. Cooking and baking were her way of nourishing her active kids and welcoming others.

She loved her extended family. When you achieved a success, there was no greater champion of your efforts than Bonnie/Mom. She is already greatly missed. Love you, Mom. Rest easy now.

You remind yourself

When you were first alternate for the Olympics twice, its hard not to have a little pity party for yourself when they come around again.  

You remind yourself that in 1992 they took 4 athletes and you were 5th. You remind yourself that in 1994 they took 3 athletes and you were 4th. You remind yourself that you did end up going to World Championships in 1995 and then you retired...and went to live in Breckenridge where you coached for a season and did the Pro Mogul Tour, which you won three years in a row and were able to put a down payment on the house that you still live in. 

You remind yourself, that in the grand scheme...it doesn't matter.  I never did.  It was just the journey as it was played out to be. You are you...and not you because of something you did or didn't get to do. 

Vastness of the expanse

 

Up here at 10,000ft I get spoiled with the wonders of nature.  The vastness of our wilderness…the endless trails through the trees, the wildlife. The blue blue blue skies of winter.  Crisp. Cold. Fresh and bright.  The clarity that comes from a walk along the winding river. Bridges over the waters and fish below.  White snow in winter. Wildflowers of summer. Trails, trail, trails connecting me to the expanse.

One that might have been..

 

Tribute to my Poopy guy

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was a sad time

that followed the death

of someone you love

and you had to push through it 

to get to the other side

But I'm learning

there is no pushing through

but rather, there is

absorption,

acceptance.

Grief is not something you

compete,

but rather you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

and move on,

but an element of yourself,

an alteration of your being,

a new way of seeing

a new definition of self.

~Gwen Flowers

The weight

 

Some mornings when you wake up, you think about all the losses.  It comes at you like a wave. The weight of it pressing on your shoulders…pushing down. Is it trying to ground you, feel closer to the earth so that you don’t fall off?

Bridge to you

 October 2021