You remind yourself

When you were first alternate for the Olympics twice, its hard not to have a little pity party for yourself when they come around again.  

You remind yourself that in 1992 they took 4 athletes and you were 5th. You remind yourself that in 1994 they took 3 athletes and you were 4th. You remind yourself that you did end up going to World Championships in 1995 and then you retired...and went to live in Breckenridge where you coached for a season and did the Pro Mogul Tour, which you won three years in a row and were able to put a down payment on the house that you still live in. 

You remind yourself, that in the grand scheme...it doesn't matter.  I never did.  It was just the journey as it was played out to be. You are you...and not you because of something you did or didn't get to do. 

Vastness of the expanse

 

Up here at 10,000ft I get spoiled with the wonders of nature.  The vastness of our wilderness…the endless trails through the trees, the wildlife. The blue blue blue skies of winter.  Crisp. Cold. Fresh and bright.  The clarity that comes from a walk along the winding river. Bridges over the waters and fish below.  White snow in winter. Wildflowers of summer. Trails, trail, trails connecting me to the expanse.

One that might have been..

 

Tribute to my Poopy guy

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was a sad time

that followed the death

of someone you love

and you had to push through it 

to get to the other side

But I'm learning

there is no pushing through

but rather, there is

absorption,

acceptance.

Grief is not something you

compete,

but rather you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

and move on,

but an element of yourself,

an alteration of your being,

a new way of seeing

a new definition of self.

~Gwen Flowers

The weight

 

Some mornings when you wake up, you think about all the losses.  It comes at you like a wave. The weight of it pressing on your shoulders…pushing down. Is it trying to ground you, feel closer to the earth so that you don’t fall off?

Bridge to you

 October 2021

Sound of silence...

 

I miss you in this world. My sweet Alto guy.