Upside down

"weightlessness, no gravity 

were we somewhere in-between 

 i'm a ghost to you, you're a ghost of me" ~GAI

"Sometimes we imprision ourselves with a narrative of self punishment."

Are you willing to walk around the bars that you have put infront of yourself...to see the open doors that are awaiting you?

Namaste

At some point, you stop chasing the things that hurt you.

Let it go......

It makes me sad...the way my mother has always treated me. The strong arm. No hugs along the way. No conversations about what is concerning me, what is happening with me. But, I understand that this will not help me in the long run...to dwell on the things I feel like I did not get. But, it will help me in how I choose to treat Finn. How I choose to interact with him. How I choose to give him hugs and tell him I love him, while still expecting great things from him.

What did I want to write about... So many things. Still so mad at my mother. I probably need to work on that. Breathe in breathe out....let it go. Finn and I had a fantastic time in Jackson Hole. Such a beautiful place, and we waited for the right time...at the end of their season when there were less people in town. The gorgeous Tetons. Some great restaurants...and fun hotel... and time away with my 13 year old.

I love figs

"Like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked." ~The Bell Jar/ Silvia Plath "The fragility of the fig is also part of its attraction... Fig Preserves are some of the most luscious to be had..." ~Ripe/ Nigel Slater

Anatomy of a crash

 

I hit a tree with my head yesterday. With the impending snow storm scheduled to arrive today, I set out to do my favorite 20 mile mountain bike ride. It was intended to be a “Grand Finale” ride of sorts. I’ve ridden over 1500 miles this season…mostly on my mountain bike…and this is a ride I have done 9 times this season. A ride I love to do. A three hour tour complete with beautiful views, suffer session climbing, technical rocky sections and glide-y, berm-ed out downhills.  It takes you high above French Gulch…along a single track, back down across rocks and steams….down the roller coaster Wire Patch trail, up Sally Barber Climb, up Nightmare on Baldy, down True Romance and finally down the other side of Sallie Barber to the  switchbacks of Barney Ford and the lower “whoop section” (man-made rollers) to the super fun Barney Flow with features and bridges etc… and lastly to the berm-ed out switch backs of Carter Park, ending up in town and cruising back to the shop. The first part of the ride you only see a few riders, the end of the ride is on well-traveled and loved trails just above town. Generally, when I finish this ride, I feel somewhat depleted but exhilarated from a long, challenging, fun ride.

The particular section (the top of Barney Ford Descent) where I hit the tree, I have ridden 14 times this summer and fall. It is at the end of the ride…and it’s a section I know well. it’s not super technical. It’s pretty much a glide-y downhill with some easy switchbacks. I was cruising along and enjoying the last part of the ride… focusing on having my butt over the back of seat…my dropper post fully lowered…and grooving with the terrain. That was when my wide enduro handlebars clipped the tree on the right and flung me head first into it. I felt the impact on my head… and my neck and ear slam into the tree…I saw stars. It happened so fast. I didn’t lose consciousness…I sat on the ground for a moment and collected myself. I looked around. There were no other riders or hikers.  I picked myself up…straightened out my bike…clipped back into my pedals and rode down to town.

I’m pretty sure I have a mild concussion.  I have a headache, a sore head, scrapes on the side of my face, on and in my ear and a nice welt on my shin. My neck is stiff, my clavicle hurts…my helmet is cracked…but I am ok. It just started to snow.